you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
i've created a new STD.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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