so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
