Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
