Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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