Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
