My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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