So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
