I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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