So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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