I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
