Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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