two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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