Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
