my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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