Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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