I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
