Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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