no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
