I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
