That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
