i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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