it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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