Kiss
Puke
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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