I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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