my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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