You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
