phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
