I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
