Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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