I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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