walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
