party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
