dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
