I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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