you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
