Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I touched a dick in church today
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
