May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
