took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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