i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Randomize
