I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
