No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
