Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
