U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
