Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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