He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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