i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
