i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
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