I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
