all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Send help, water and tortillas.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
