I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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