dude i'm inner monologue high
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
