I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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