I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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