I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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