I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
We just shotgunned beers for America
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
