rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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