Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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