So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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