I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
