I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
