Sorry, I don't speak sober.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
