Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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