in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Randomize
