these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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